Besides a day of fall feasting, followed by an afternoon of satiated numbness watching football, Thursday promotes a day of thanksgiving. That's a good beginning to follow the mandated, "In everything give thanks for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you," First Thess. 5:18
Personally, I think giving thanks in everything is one of the hardest verses in the Bible to live. Evidently, so do many other people.
Being thankful for everything begins with that husband or wife and their annoying habits and ticks and the children we parent. Be thankful – even when reality hits and you realize, "Hey! This isn't at all like the Cosby Show."
One of the reasons so many marriages fall apart – even within the churches – comes when Real Life meets us inside a Real Marriage. Being thankful in a Real Marriage means sitting our pouty selves down and praying, "Thank you, Lord, for that horrible creature who failed once again to remember ... who has once gain come home late ... stayed out too long with friends ... and is so very uninteresting and obnoxious. I'm thanking you, God, for what I have – because you said to be thankful, but I for sure don't know why I should be thankful for that person."
It also helps – if once in a while, you take stock and remember the few crumbs of human kindness you have received. If more people would be thankful – and if it was much more
difficult to get a divorce, I think we might see more people staying married and over the course of time re-discover the reasons, why they chose to be married.
Being thankful for everything includes our physical circumstances. Some parents seek human growth hormone for their perfectly healthy, average height children - because they want their child to have an extra edge on the playing field of life – or just a bit of cosmetic surgery to enhance their chances at the beauty pageant.
These parents have not learned to be thankful for a healthy child, nor are they teaching their child to like, let alone, be thankful for their God-given healthy body.
Being thankful for everything encompasses how we are created physically, as a woman or a man, with all the flaws and foibles that one inherits genetically. Practicing giving thanks in everything goes a long ways towards dealing with the discontent inside for what I do not have outside.
Being thankful for everything extends to that pregnancy which came along when you least expected a child, wanted one or could see how you could afford the time, money, space or energy. Be thankful for the child º this is God's will concerning you – even when they feel like an inconvenience that will ruin everything. Whether they feel like a blessing or not, take each child with both hands and thank God for what he has given you and seek His guidance in being a consistent, loving parent form the moment of conception.
Outside the home, the mandate to be thankful ranges to that less than dream job, the politicians who do not reflect your view point, the waiter who forgot you entered the restaurant, the slowpoke road hog who refuses to get out of the fast lane, the department tore employee who ignores you and many more. Try being thankful instead – it might help lower your blood pressure.
Whatever life's inconveniences this week, no matter how difficult it feels, choose to be thankful – and enjoy a Happy Thanksgiving every day.
Waking up with a cold, insufficient sleep and a long list of things to do, the last thing I wanted to hear was "Don't worry, be happy," "Develop an attitude of gratitude" or "Give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." I Thess. 5:18.
Mostly I just wanted to veg-out and read – which is how I happened on the article "How the new science of 'thank you' can change your life" in the October Reader's Digest. It detailed a recent study of having volunteers focus on gratitude versus grump versus the daily groove. I scanned the article for the results.
People in the studies who were consciously grateful:
• Felt better about their lives.
• Were more optimistic.
• Were more energetic.
• Were more enthusiastic.
• Were more determined.
• Were more interested.
• Were more joyful.
• Exercised more.
• Had fewer illnesses.
• Got more sleep.
• Were more likely to have helped someone else.
Simply put, gratitude won hands down.
The study began when psychology professors Robert Emmons, PhD, of the University of California, Davis and Michael McCullough of the University of Miami, divided volunteers into three groups and asked them to keep weekly journals.
The first group concentrated on irritations and wrongs: “The jerk who cut me off on the highway.” The second group focused on life-enhancing situations: “My boyfriend is so kind and caring – I'm lucky to have him.” And the third group reported everyday events: “I went shoe shopping.”
Emmons found that the gratitude group saw their lives in favorable terms, reported fewer negative physical symptoms such as headaches or colds and were active in ways that were good for them. They spent almost an hour and a half more per week exercising than those who focused on hassles. The grateful had a higher quality of life.
They also were "perceived as more helpful toward others,” Emmons reported – surprised by this result. “A feeling of gratitude really gets people to do something, to become more pro-social, more compassionate” – a response not found in either of the other two groups.
The researchers then rounded up college students and repeated the study on a daily basis including asking for specific personal details: Alcoholic drinks, aspirin or other pain relievers taken, the quantity and quality of their sleep. At the end of the study, they reached the above conclusions.
Students not in the study, when asked, judged the gratitude students as empathetic, helpful and pro-social, more likely to put themselves out for others.
Related studies have found other benefits as well: Clearer thinking, better resilience during tough times, higher immune response, less likelihood of being plagued by stress, longer lives, closer family ties, greater religiousness.
Most of us want those things. If all it takes is a few moments each day of jotting down three things for which I am are grateful, why not do it?
The article recommends that "after each situation or event for which you feel thankful, write down why this was good for you. Also, make a note of who, if anyone, played a role in what you’ve recalled for the day and how that person had an impact on your life."
Over time, the written log unveils patterns of people, items and events for which you are consistently grateful. Many entries will underscore the importance of people in your life. Others will highlight meaningful experiences. Still other items will be things that began with you.
A journal of gratitude focuses our attention on what's working – life's positive points. Gratitude moves us closer to becoming the kind of person want to be. And even in the midst of the sniffles, even I can find something for which I am thankful.
Our oldest stayed in New Orleans and shared Thanksgiving with friends. I didn't like his being away, but as my mother used to say, "It's all part of a parent's growing up."
I decided to not start cooking in the pre-dawn hours. I slept in. I read the paper, cleaned house and laid the tablecloth. I would have washed clothes, but our second oldest, who did come home from college, was sleeping on a cot in the laundry room.
When our high schooler emerged, I said, "I want you to inject the marinade into the turkey."
My daughter volunteered to make pecan pie. When it was finished she complained, "I want to make another pecan piece, but we don't have any more corn syrup." I told her to use honey instead. I washed honey and corn syrup off a sink filled with dishes, two counter, the floor and the oven door, but the pies were delicious, as were the pumpkin pie and cookies she also made.
The high schooler made the cherry cream pie. My husband arranged an elegant table of china and silver.
Then the collegiate one wandered out, picked up an empty pie shell and asked, "Are you going to make a pie with vegetables in it?"
"A what?" I asked.
"You know with eggs and cheese."
"Oh a quiche," I found a recipe and a package of frozen pieces of ham. "Warm up the ham in the microwave and make one."
"Got any broccoli for it, Mom?" College has changed him. He yowled the loudest whenever I used to insist he eat anything green.
The absentee phoned. We called him right back, cooking as we talked. His brothers told him about school and that they were making pumpkin bread.
When I took the phone, he wistfully said, "Sounds fun, I almost wish I had come home." He didn't want to hang up so we talked about college, his girlfriend, Christmas shopping and work.
After he reluctantly said "good-bye," I went back to the kitchen to wash dishes and make stuffing.
"Hey, Mom, can we have 'northern' stuffing this year, instead of southern?" the 11th-grader asked.
I pushed the cornbread aside and tossed white bread into the oven to toast. A couple minutes later I gave it to him, "Now break it up into small pieces while I chop and sauté the celery and onions."
My husband precisely cut and arranged the carrots, celery, peppers and tomato on a relish tray and made punch.
I made banana nut bread, cleared counters and washed more dishes.
It was time to French fry the turkey. Holding the bird's legs, my husband slowly eased it into the hot oil. As the lower cavity filled with the hot oil, it spewed oil back out, like a volcano. We finally drowned it in oil and it quietly finished cooking.
I had wanted to spew a volcano of tears this year that all my children weren't home. I was reminded to "grow up" and make the most of what I had.
I did the turkey was golden crisp. The desserts too rich. The working together to prepare it all was just right. As we sat down to give thanks and eat, I was thank for time to be together and a 90-minute phone call at my expense.
The best thank you I ever received was from one of my sons when he was about five years-old. I was at a garage sale. Under a table of slightly worn clothes I saw a perfectly good pair of child-size cowboy boots. No price tag.
It was late in the day. I turned to the seller, “How much for these?
“Oh, a quarter,” she yawned.
I decided my five-year-old might want to pretend he was a cowboy sometimes.
I tossed them in the car with the other items I had purchased at garage sales that morning and headed home.
I had lots of help hauling my ‘finds’ into the house. My elementary-aged children acted like it was Christmas without all the trimmings.
I handed the boots to the five-year-old. “Here try these on for size. I thought maybe you would ...” I never finished.
“Thank you, Mom. Thank you!” he yelled as he grabbed the boots, shoved his feet in them and pronounced, “They fit. Thanks, Mom, it’s just what I wanted.”
He did not just wear his cowboy boots pretending to be a cowboy. He decided “these boots are made for walking and walking’s what they’ll do.” He wore the soles of those boots all the way through.
The boots wore out, but the memory of his uninhibited, spontaneous “thank you" will always be with me.
I wish I could have been as un-inhibited on my 15th wedding anniversary.
Our simple wedding 15 years before did not include a reception with a decorated cake. My husband decided to amend that.
He took me out for dinner. When the waitress served dessert, it was a multi-tiered decorated cake he had secretly brought to the restaurant in the back of the van. The waitresses had brought a knife, forks and plates. I was very pleased, but felt very conspicuous as the other diners stared at me.
I declined to cut the cake and share it. I wanted out of there and I wanted that cake and everybody knows, “You can’t have your cake and eat it, too.”
I had my cake. I rode in the backseat staring at it all the way home. I left it in the middle of the dining room table to admire for a couple days, refusing to let anyone touch it.
If I could have, I would have worn that cake out by staring at it. Once I cut it and served the first piece, it vanished as my children helped me eat it.
If my husband thought I took his gift for granted, “Thanks! It was just what I wanted.”
As we take time to be thank for the things we have taken for granted, or for blessings we have that we have “always wanted” also look around for items you never considered before.
Like the Thanksgiving we each took a turn praying around the table. The kindergartner mumbled his thanks, ending with “Thank you for the walls, Amen.”
I looked at him questioningly, “The walls?”
He reached for the rolls. “Yep, they hold the ceiling up.”
Of course, I just never thought about the walls that way before.
This Thanksgiving as I look for things I take for granted, I might find something that is hoping up a very important part of my life.