CHANGING a LIGHT BULB: Ways & the Way
CHANGING A LIGHT BULB = shedding a little light on "religious persuasions."
How many Christians does it take to change a light bulb?
"Faith"-Word believer:
A chorus of voices positively confess the Light shines in the darkness & the darkness has not understood it. Then they change the light bulb, turn it off, & go out singing praise to the Lord.
Charismatic: 2
The hands of one are already in the air.
The other proclaims the word: turn, turn, turn.
Pentecostal: 10
One to change the bulb, and nine to pray against the spirit of darkness.
Presbyterians: None
Lights will go on and off at predestined times.
Roman Catholic: None
Candles only.
Baptists: At least 15.
One to change the light bulb, and three committees to approve the change and decide who brings the potato salad and fried chicken.
Episcopalians: 3
One to call the electrician, one to mix the drinks and one to talk about how much better the old one was.
Mormons: 5
One man to change the bulb, and four wives to tell him how to do it.
Unitarians:
We choose not to make a statement either in favor of or against the need for a light bulb. However, if in your own journey you have found that light bulbs work for you, you are invited to write a poem or compose a modern dance about your light bulb for the next Sunday service, in which we will explore a number of light bulb traditions, including incandescent, fluorescent, 3-way, long-life and tinted, all of which are equally valid paths to luminescence.
Methodists: Undetermined
Whether your light is bright, dull, or completely out, you are loved. You can be a light bulb, turnip bulb, or tulip bulb. Bring a bulb of your choice to the Sunday lighting service and a covered dish to pass.
Nazarene: 6
One woman to replace the bulb while five men review church lighting policy.
Lutherans: None
Lutherans don't believe in change.
Amish:
What's a light bulb?
Muslims: 6
An imam to quote what Muhammed said about light & architecture.
A government official to declare that it is time to change the light bulb. A radical to smash the old, burnt out light bulb. A moderate muslim to rebuke the radical. An electical engineer to change the bulb. A propagandist to defend the light bulb against the infidels of darkness.
Buddists: none
Don't care about light & want incense sticks instead. Taking out the old one and rubbing the smooth surface satisfies their need for light.
Hindus: 4
One to recite old poetry. One to give directions. One to check the old & the new light bulb. One to install the new light bulb ... only to be persecuted for "illegal conversion of light bulb."
Pagans: ??
Worshippers of sun & moon & stars don't need a light bulb.
ONE DAY THOUGH, WE WON'T NEED LIGHT BULBS ANY MORE:
Jesus doesn't need a light bulb though:
Revelation 21:9b-11, 22-26; 22:5
Come hither, I will shew thee the bride, the Lamb's wife. And he carried me away in the spirit to a great and high mountain, and shewed me that great city, the holy Jerusalem, descending out of heaven from God, Having the glory of God: and her light was like unto a stone most precious, even like a jasper stone, clear as crystal;
...
And the twelve gates were twelve pearls: every several gate was of one pearl: and the street of the city was pure gold, as it were transparent glass. And I saw no temple therein: for the Lord God Almighty and the Lamb are the temple of it. And the city had no need of the sun, neither of the moon, to shine in it: for the glory of God did lighten it, and the Lamb is the light thereof. And the nations of them which are saved shall walk in the light of it: and the kings of the earth do bring their glory and honour into it. And the gates of it shall not be shut at all by day: for there shall be no night there. And they shall bring the glory and honour of the nations into it.
... And there shall be no night there; and they need no candle, neither light of the sun; for the Lord God giveth them light: and they shall reign for ever and ever.
How many Christians does it take to change a light bulb?
"Faith"-Word believer:
A chorus of voices positively confess the Light shines in the darkness & the darkness has not understood it. Then they change the light bulb, turn it off, & go out singing praise to the Lord.
Charismatic: 2
The hands of one are already in the air.
The other proclaims the word: turn, turn, turn.
Pentecostal: 10
One to change the bulb, and nine to pray against the spirit of darkness.
Presbyterians: None
Lights will go on and off at predestined times.
Roman Catholic: None
Candles only.
Baptists: At least 15.
One to change the light bulb, and three committees to approve the change and decide who brings the potato salad and fried chicken.
Episcopalians: 3
One to call the electrician, one to mix the drinks and one to talk about how much better the old one was.
Mormons: 5
One man to change the bulb, and four wives to tell him how to do it.
Unitarians:
We choose not to make a statement either in favor of or against the need for a light bulb. However, if in your own journey you have found that light bulbs work for you, you are invited to write a poem or compose a modern dance about your light bulb for the next Sunday service, in which we will explore a number of light bulb traditions, including incandescent, fluorescent, 3-way, long-life and tinted, all of which are equally valid paths to luminescence.
Methodists: Undetermined
Whether your light is bright, dull, or completely out, you are loved. You can be a light bulb, turnip bulb, or tulip bulb. Bring a bulb of your choice to the Sunday lighting service and a covered dish to pass.
Nazarene: 6
One woman to replace the bulb while five men review church lighting policy.
Lutherans: None
Lutherans don't believe in change.
Amish:
What's a light bulb?
Muslims: 6
An imam to quote what Muhammed said about light & architecture.
A government official to declare that it is time to change the light bulb. A radical to smash the old, burnt out light bulb. A moderate muslim to rebuke the radical. An electical engineer to change the bulb. A propagandist to defend the light bulb against the infidels of darkness.
Buddists: none
Don't care about light & want incense sticks instead. Taking out the old one and rubbing the smooth surface satisfies their need for light.
Hindus: 4
One to recite old poetry. One to give directions. One to check the old & the new light bulb. One to install the new light bulb ... only to be persecuted for "illegal conversion of light bulb."
Pagans: ??
Worshippers of sun & moon & stars don't need a light bulb.
ONE DAY THOUGH, WE WON'T NEED LIGHT BULBS ANY MORE:
Jesus doesn't need a light bulb though:
Revelation 21:9b-11, 22-26; 22:5
Come hither, I will shew thee the bride, the Lamb's wife. And he carried me away in the spirit to a great and high mountain, and shewed me that great city, the holy Jerusalem, descending out of heaven from God, Having the glory of God: and her light was like unto a stone most precious, even like a jasper stone, clear as crystal;
...
And the twelve gates were twelve pearls: every several gate was of one pearl: and the street of the city was pure gold, as it were transparent glass. And I saw no temple therein: for the Lord God Almighty and the Lamb are the temple of it. And the city had no need of the sun, neither of the moon, to shine in it: for the glory of God did lighten it, and the Lamb is the light thereof. And the nations of them which are saved shall walk in the light of it: and the kings of the earth do bring their glory and honour into it. And the gates of it shall not be shut at all by day: for there shall be no night there. And they shall bring the glory and honour of the nations into it.
... And there shall be no night there; and they need no candle, neither light of the sun; for the Lord God giveth them light: and they shall reign for ever and ever.